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2018 doesn’t suck so far

April 15, 2018 Leave a comment

I’m now the proud owner of a 2300 sq ft Victorian-style home in Central Gardens, a neighborhood in the heart of Memphis. It’s a zero lot and gated community with a total of four homes. I’ve been told that a very large home used to be on this lot and was torn down to make way for these to be built. I’m close to Overton Square and Cooper Young, and just minutes from downtown. Unfortunately, I’m farther from work but I love living here.

My son and his wife moved in last August while they’re finishing up school. Stephen should finish in August, his wife will finish in May of 2019. They’ve found an apartment close to Shelby Farms, and the balcony faces out on the dog park. I’m a little sad about them leaving but also happy for them. I think their menagerie (two cats and a dog) will be happy about the large outdoor space.

My daughter, Samantha, and her husband, Adam, have been in their own apartment since last June or so, and seem very happy. They bring Zelda over to play with Cosmo sometimes or just meet at the dog park. They live about a mile from it, so it’s very convenient. Samantha is graduating from nursing school on May 25th! Her dad and I are very proud of her.

I’ve been divorced now for about a year and a half. I still have conflicted emotions about all that and how it went down. It’s easy to want to blame my ex for a lot of things but I’m not naive enough to think that I had no fault in all of it. We had 32 years together and it’s just going to take awhile to not feel sad and wonder all the “what ifs.” My family has been very supportive, along with my friends and co-workers. I admit to regretting not going to counseling with my ex, to be able at least to say that we really tried everything before going through all that, before putting my kids and family through all that. In the end, I think it’s safe to say that we grew apart over the years, and had different ideas for the future. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. I prefer to look forward from now on!

Stay tuned for more posts about dating after being married for most of my life lol!

 

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Change

November 19, 2016 Leave a comment

I’m sitting in my small one bedroom apartment looking out my dining room window. It’s a pretty view. Mature trees with turning leaves are scattered over a courtyard of green grass. There’s a sidewalk pathway curving through the middle. Right outside my window is a pergola that covers a couple of picnic tables, a gas grill and a charcoal grill. The winding path has a large fenced in pool on the far side. It really is pretty.

I left behind my life in a big house with a beautiful backyard because I felt like it wasn’t mine. I needed to find what my life is or will be. My life there felt empty. I felt despair when I tried to look down the road of my life. I didn’t know how to change anything. Not and be married still. I didn’t feel like I had choices. I knew something had to change or I wasn’t going to be anymore.

My job feels like I’m on a meaningless rat’s wheel. That certainly needs to change. I’m on my own now though, paying my own bills. I’m scared to quit this job because it makes great money. I wonder if my husband had told me to just quit this job, to take my time and find something that gives me purpose, I really wonder if I would be sitting here now.

I’m  going to a church that’s different from the one I grew up in. I made that change a couple of years ago. It  brought strife into my marriage. It was rebellion against being told what to do. I was trying to find a way get by, to get through life, to have a measure of control. I felt like I had nothing that was mine and this one thing was going to be mine.

My whole life up until this point was lived for others: my husband, my children, family, society, church. I was a good person. Now, I’ve left my husband, our divorce is final, and I’m still not happy. I still  feel the pull of pleasing other people, only now it’s in different ways. I have to break free. This has got to change.

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